Take two...

When last I tried to post, I had composed my thoughts around my impending divorce. I had said a lot of great things which elude me now, but here goes take two...

I finally told my daughter the marriage is over; her reaction was predictable. She cried, and I felt like the world's worst parent. In the end she would be more harmed by unhappy parents staying together for her benefit, but this fact is not overshadowed by the loss of her ideas of family.

I am forever grateful for the fact that she and I have always been close, and that she has a tremendous fortitude not easily visible to those who do not know her well. My most closely-held wish is that she learn to hold her own and not feel intimidated by the opinions of others. I want her to not settle for something or someone just because she does not want to disappoint nor because she thinks it's what others want.

If someone had guided me in this manner, in a real way, I do not think I would be where I am now. I would have left when I heard my inner voice telling me this would not work, I would have been brave and forge my path with a different man. What-ifs and should-haves are of no benefit to me now, but I am following my heart and where the universe is taking me. I am more pit-of-my-stomach terrified than ever in my life, but for once I will do what I feel in a big way.